How to Overcome “The Sad Princess Syndrome”

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The Princess is sad. What could it be the Princess has?

The Princess is sad. What could it be the Princess has? She says the King does not include her in any
decision making, nor gives her any true responsibility, nor is he raising her to govern the kingdom in
the future. She says the Prince Consort gets angry with her for no apparent reason. She says that her
family obligations limit her freedom and leaves her no time to continue to grow, look for ways to
develop her skills or seek opportunities where she would be able to exert her leadership skills. She
says that all the problems fall on her.
Poor Princess. The world is so unjust! Everything would just be different if her Father did what she
wanted; her husband did what she wanted and, the rest of the world did what she wanted. If they
could just be and do without her having to ask them. If only there were no difficulties and all was the
way she wanted! Then yes, the world would come to know her as the brilliant Princess that she really
is. The Heroine that will lead the kingdom to new levels of richness and wellbeing that her father could
only have dreamt about—but, since the others won’t allow her, what can the Princess do?
She hides her frustration and insecurity behind the mask of arrogance. She disguises her lack of
bravery as the victim of circumstances and of others. She uses cynicism and sarcasm. She seeks
approval. She never says no or, she says no to everything.
Anything but to look at herself in the mirror and come face to face with the true person responsible for
all her misfortunes and the only person that can save her from it all. Yes Princess, You are your own
worst enemy when you could be your best ally. No one will fight your battles for you. No one is going
to solve any problems for you and, as the saying goes, “No pain, no gain.”
You want to be successful but, do you know what success is? To achieve the goal or to overcome
whatever difficulties may cross your path? Can there really be any triumph without difficulties? No,
because by its own definition, “Triumph” implies difficulty and, if it were not that way, it would not be
a triumph. It would be like bread that falls from heaven, a real miracle!
To pretend to be victorious without difficulties while waiting for others to get rid of them for you is not
only being unrealistic but irresponsible as well. Winners are made, not born. They are forged from the
base of occupation instead of preoccupation and giving excuses. They are the ones who do, make
mistakes and learn from them and better themselves, again and again. They are made from difficult decision making, determination to see them through, flexibility to adapt to new circumstances, humility to learn from their mistakes and learn from others.

And that is the way it has to be since winning is not an end to itself but a process. There’s no point to
reaching the summit without “paying the price.” First of all you would not feel it as any kind of victory.
Second, without the due training, experience and self-confidence in one’s own self that allows the
process of winning, “Your” time in the summit would be limited only to the arrival of the first storm.
What can the Princess do to be successful? To be responsible of her situation, whatever it may be.
She has the power to change by changing herself and not waiting for the others to change.
Princess, what is it you really want? What do you have to do to obtain it? What is it you need? What
are your strengths? What do you need to improve? Who can help you? Princess, be brave, believe in
yourself and, in spite of feeling afraid, take that first step and then another, another and another—you
can do it. I believe in you! Ahead!

Written By Carmen Lence, Coach and Consultant at NextGen LLC. www.nextgenfamilybusiness.com/

Note by the Author:
To recognize that one has a problem is the first step to solve it. To take responsibility of it, accepting
that we are not victims of the circumstances or of others, only of our own attitudes and beliefs is the
second step to take. To become conscious that we ourselves are the ones that have to do something
in order to change our situation is the third step. After you decide what it is you want to do, create a
plan to achieve that and start walking. One step after another. You will trip, have difficulties, be
fearful and, you will no doubt be tempted many times to turn around and walk away, but that is part of
the process. There is no victory without failure.
Working with a coach will provide you with the clarity on what it is you really want to achieve. It will
help you create a plan that you really want to obtain and will you keep you motivate and centered in
what it is you want until you obtain it. Coaching is the impulse and the support that you need in order
to make things happen.
Invest in yourself and in your goals this year and, give yourself the best opportunity as a gift in order to
achieve your dreams by contracting a coach. Contact me to reserve a free 30 minute session through
email: carmen@nextgenfamilybusiness.com
Merry Christmas and may the New Year be full of successes for you!

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Como Superar El “Síndrome de la Princesa Triste”

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La princesa está triste… ¿Qué tendrá la princesa? Dice que el Rey no la incluye en la toma de decisiones, no le da verdadera responsabilidad y no la forma para gobernar el reino en el futuro. Dice que el príncipe consorte se enfada con ella sin razón. Dice que sus obligaciones familiares limitan su libertad dejándola sin tiempo para seguir formándose, buscar maneras de desarrollar sus habilidades o oportunidades donde poder ejercer sus dotes de liderazgo. Dice que recaen sobre ella todos los problemas.

Pobre princesa. ¡Que mundo tan injusto! Todo sería diferente si su padre hiciera lo que ella quiere, si su marido hiciera lo que ella quiere, si el resto del mundo hiciera lo que ella quiere. A poder ser, sin tener ni siquiera que pedirlo.  ¡Si no hubiera dificultades y las cosas fueran justo de la manera que ella quiere! Entonces sí. Entonces el mundo conocería la Princesa brillante que realmente es. La Heroína que va ha llevar al Reino a niveles de riqueza y bienestar que ni siquiera su padre pudo soñar… Pero como los demás no le dejan. ¿Qué puede hacer la princesa?

Esconder su frustración y falta de seguridad en si misma detrás de la mascara de la arrogancia. Disfrazar su falta de valor de víctima de las circunstancias y de los demás. Utilizar el cinismo y el sarcasmo. Buscar aprobación. No decir que no, o decir que no a todo.

Cualquier cosa menos mirarse al espejo y enfrentarse a la verdadera responsable de todas sus desgracias y a la única que puede salvarle de ellas. Sí, Princesa, tú misma. Eres tú peor enemigo, pudiendo ser tú mejor aliada.  Nadie va a luchar tus batallas por ti. Nadie te va a solucionar los problemas. “El que algo quiere, algo le cuesta”, dice el refrán.

Tú quieres triunfar, pero ¿Sabes qué es triunfar? ¿Alcanzar la meta o superar las dificultades en el camino? ¿Puede haber triunfo sin dificultad? No, por propia definición, el triunfo implica dificultad, si no , no sería triunfo. Sería como el pan que cae del cielo, ¡un milagro!

Pretender triunfar sin dificultades o esperando que otros las eliminen por ti, no solo es irrealista, pero irresponsable. El triunfador no nace, se hace. Se hace a base de ocuparse en vez de preocuparse y disculparse. Se hace a base de hacer, de equivocarse, aprender y mejorar. Una y otra vez.

Se hace a base de valor para tomar decisiones difíciles, decisión para llevarlas  a cabo, flexibilidad para adaptarse a nuevas circunstancias, humildad para aprender de los errores y aprender de los demás.

Y así tiene que ser, el triunfo no es un fin, es un proceso. No  tiene sentido triunfar sin ‘pagar el precio’. Primero, no lo sentirías como triunfo. Segundo, sin la preparación, experiencia y seguridad en uno mismo que proporciona el proceso de triunfar tu tiempo en la cima esta limitado a la llegada de la primera tormenta.

¿Qué puede hacer la Princesa para triunfar? Tomar responsabilidad de su situación, cualquiera que sea. Ella tiene el poder de cambiarla cambiando ella, no esperando que cambien los demás.

Princesa, ¿Qué es lo que quieres?, ¿Qué tienes que hacer para conseguirlo?, ¿Qué necesitas?, ¿Cuáles son tus fortalezas?, ¿Dónde tienes que mejorar?, ¿Quién te puede ayudar?. Princesa, se valiente, cree en ti y a pesar del miedo da un paso, y después otro, y otro, y otro… Tú puedes. Yo creo en ti. ¡Adelante!.

Escrito por Carmen Lence, Coach y Consultora de NextGen LLC

www.nextgenfamilybusiness.com

Nota del autor:

Reconocer que uno tiene un problema, es el primer paso para solucionarlo. Responsabilizarse de ello, aceptando que no somos víctimas de las circunstancias, ni de los demás, si no solo de nuestras actitudes y creencias, es el segundo paso. Tomar conciencia de que somos nosotros los que tenemos que hacer algo para cambiar nuestra situación es el tercer paso. Después decide que es lo que quieres hacer, crea un plan para conseguirlo y échate ha andar. Un paso tras otro. Va ha haber traspiés, dificultades, miedo y te vas a ver tentado a dar marcha atrás una y otra vez, pero eso es parte del proceso. No hay triunfo sin fracaso.

Trabajar con un coach te proporciona claridad sobre que es aquello que quieres conseguir, te ayuda a crear un plan para conseguirlo y te mantiene motivado y centrado en lo que quieres hasta que lo consigas. Coaching, es el impulso y apoyo que necesitas para hacer que las cosas pasen.

Invierte en ti y en tus objetivos este año y regálate la mejor de las oportunidades para conseguir lo que quieres contratando un coach. Contáctame para reservar una sesión gratuita de 30 minutos en el email:  carmen@nextgenfamilybusiness.com

¡Feliz navidad, y que el Año Nuevo venga cargado de éxitos para ti!

Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going? Next Generation Goes to Stetson University to Get Answers

Peter Begalla, Outreach Director of the Family Enterprise Center, Adjunct Professor at the School of Business Administration at Stetson University

Stetson University is the first school in the USA to offer a degree in Family Business. The program focuses on next-generation members of family businesses, and one of its goals is to encourage them to take ownership of their own lives and careers.

Peter Begalla is the Outreach Director of the Family Enterprise Center, Adjunct Professor at the School of Business Administration at Stetson University and an expert in next-generation leadership development. This is what he has to say about the next generation, leadership and making things happen for oneself.

What, in your experience, is the main problem that next generation members of family businesses face?

It tends to be credibility: within the family, within the enterprise, as well as marketability of their skills in either the family enterprise setting or out in the real world. So the idea is that because they have a family business they may not be as they have to be in their own right. They have to be recognized as credible and marketable themselves separate from their family so that their own identity can be established.

The program stresses the need for the next generation to be proactive and create their own future. How does the program support its students to help them to achieve that?

The introductory course kind of sets the tone for the whole program. It’s the one that’s the most intensive. The course is divided up into thirds. The first part of the course is a whole segment devoted to who you are: personality assessment, values assessment, and a discussion about what you know about yourself from a personality dynamic. What you believe about yourself.

The second section of the course is what is your family story. So there’s some gene gram work, some work on the family values, there’s an interview process in which the students ask their family members, their mom and dad, why did they choose the career that they did. What kind of family dynamics. What was important for them in terms of their business or their career choice. How has that affected the family. By doing that, the student works with the family to determine what kinds of messages have been important to the family, for a couple of generations. What their family story is and how it might impact the student.

There’s also some identification in that same time period as to what role they play in the family in terms of birth order and everybody’s influence to birth order.

And then the third component is what do you want to do. Now that you understand a little bit about who you are and what your script is, what do you want to do with this? Is it work within the family business? Is it work outside? How does your plan match up with reality? How does it match up with the reality of the family? How does it match up with you as a person? Are your values in line with what those plans are? Is your personality in line?

One more piece is that all three of those segments are then collected into what we call the Life Plan. It tends to be about 50 pages long. It’s designed for the student to essentially define success as they see it within the family business or outside. It basically changes how they view themselves and what they are going to do and how they are going to go about doing it in the world.

Do you have more students going to work in the family business or outside it after finishing the program?

It’s different for each person. I can’t say that the rule of thumb is that they all go back to their family businesses and I can’t say that they all bail out. It’s a fairly decent mix. However, it tends to lean more towards the student going outside the family business for a period of time. I can’t say we’ve done any research to support what I call “Gut Check.”

What would be your advice to those next generation members living in “golden cages,” meaning, working in the family business with a good job title, good salary but no real responsibility, accountability and lacking preparation to take over the leadership of the company. Living in fear about what is going to happen in the future when their parents are not around anymore.

First is to “know thyself”; know exactly what your skills are. Know what you have to bring to better the situation. That way you know where to start and you shop on your technical skills or on your soft skills. For example, if you’ve got an accounting issue, or if you’ve got a marketing issue or a financial issue, you can always ask for help. Although the responsibility in that situation is ultimately yours, know how much guidance you need in order to make the right decision, know your capacity, know your abilities and your strengths and weaknesses so that you can call for help when you do have to make the decision (because again, you’ve got the title, you’ve got the responsibility) but you have guidance.

The other thing we stress with the program is that getting unbiased feedback is advice that often leads to a profound change in the individual. The feedback is such that it just kind of says “hey this is what I see” kind of holding up a mirror “this is what I see you doing”; it allows the student to make some choices about a different behavior versus “hey, you know what you should do?” which nobody really likes. If somebody who is in a position of responsibility within an organization doesn’t have feedback then they are kind of looking in a vacuum.

What is the profile of your students? What kind of family companies do they come from?

We have a mix of students; some have family businesses and some do not. One of the ways in which we talk about the program is that if you don’t have a family business, you still benefit from it because 90% of businesses in America are family businesses. So you’re probably going to work in one. The other thing we do is stress an advisory track as well towards the end of the program. We train students on some basic advising type of skills working with companies.

So in terms of the students we have that have family businesses, it spans  a pretty wide range. I’ve had students with international holdings that are fairly vast where their families come from two generations deep in South America and in the Caribbean. Everything from real estate to restaurants, mining, aggregates, and land family grocery store holders here in the States. It spans from annual revenue exceeding 1 billion to the little mom and pop jewelry store worth half a million a year or even restaurants.

They have been working for the family company or it’s a bit of both?

They definitely have exposure to it. The ones who don’t have exposure to it the parents are in a business that tends to be more advising. For example like financial services, a dad owns financial services and  he has 2 or 3 guys working with him like an insurance business; the student doesn’t work in it. If it’s the construction business, the student has worked in it. If its manufacturing, the student has worked in it. If it’s a distributor of some sort, the students have worked in it.

Is this a unique program in the U.S. that you are managing?

I believe so, it’s one of two majors in the world, its basically the first major in the world. We think we have something that is very promising. We essentially are having a dialogue about family businesses that no one else is having with students at a time in which they are forming identities and forming a sense of where they want to go in the world. And we promise them, what my college Greg McCann says and why he founded the program the way he did, “Look, you get a discussion with your peers and your family for four years about who you are and where you want to go. If that’s within the family business that’s great, if not that’s great too. But essentially you get to write your own story versus just being pushed along by the family history and by the family’s script of the business.” Especially if it’s a large successful business, it can override the identity of someone who is trying to form and carve himself out a sense of self and where he wants to go.

In your experience, what are the main traits of successful next generation?

They tend to want truth and honesty. They tend to want everything to be exactly as it is and for everybody to know it and what’s going on. So there’s this level of transparency that I think is required personally as well as about the organization, and about the older generation and the next generation. And again, it is to “know thyself.” What your strengths and weakness are and to be ok with that to say, this is what I bring to the table, this is what I don’t bring to the table, and how are we going to make this work.

Any tips or words of advice for next generation members of family businesses?

No matter what you do, start now. Start thinking about who you are, what you are about, what you bring to the table, and how that’s viewed by your family. Also, how it’s viewed by non-family members within the business. Start the dialogue A) with yourself then B) with your family about what you bring to the table and what you want to do next. How you can contribute to the business.

So, next generation, what are you going to do to make things happen for you?

For more information about the Stetson University Family Enterprise Center, please click on: http://www.stetson.edu/business/family

Written by  Carmen Lence, MBA
NextGen Consulting & Coaching

Web: http://www.nextgenfamilybusiness.com
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