How Tony Robbins helped me to stop making excuses

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Tony Robbins at Dreamforce in San Francisco

Today, a little dream of mine came true. I had the opportunity to listen to one of the most inspirational speakers and successful coaches of our time: Mr. Tony Robbins. Thanks to the organizers of the Dreamforce conference in San Francisco, I found myself jumping up and down in the Moscome center, hugging complete strangers with all my love, shouting YES! YES! YES! while throwing my arms up in the air, clapping like my life depended on it, dancing and jumping even higher… I left with an extra dose of motivation plus a good workout! Great deal!

I have admired Tony Robbins for a long time. He was once a struggling teenager but one day he came across a marvelous book: “Think and grow rich” by Napoleon Hill, which changed his life by starting him out on a path of curiosity that examined the psychology of successful people and helped him to question how he could change his own situation for the better.I also experienced troubles when I was a young adult and I too had come across Hill’s book by pure chance. As with Tony Robbins, the book also changed my life. Like Robbins, I became a self-help junkie, reading any self-help book I could get my hands on. It seemed that those books where the only support I had when nobody else supported me, and after reading so many of them, I came to the conclusion that you are not what you eat, you are what you read! I went from feeling like a victim to feeling empowered and aware that I’m the only one who is responsible for the failures or successes that I encounter in my life; my circumstances were no longer an excuse.

I believe that Tony Robbins’ message is basically a fundamental truth that deep down we all know, but most of the time choose to ignore. That truth is that you can either have what you want, or  excuses not to have it. We all have the potential to achieve our dreams, but quite often we decide that we cannot do so, perhaps due to A, B, or C reason, and many of us look to others to validate our excuses. However, the reality of the situation is that the only thing between you and what you want, is YOU.

During the presentation, Tony explained that our decisions shape our life and that those decisions are controlled by our mental state (how we feel from moment to moment) and our blueprint (our story and expectations). He demonstrated how we are able to change our state by changing our physiology (or moving our body, hence all the jumping) and our focus. You can change your focus by asking yourself questions that launch your thinking in the direction of positivity and possibilities.

For example, instead of focusing on what you don’t have and asking yourself why you are not earning X amount a year? Ask yourself, what is something I can be proud of? What is really important to me? What can I be really grateful for? What excites me? If I were earning X, what would my life be like? What would be the ideal situation? What is an action I can take today to get one step closer to where I want to be tomorrow?

As Buddha said: All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.” So, be aware of what your mind is focused on and learn how to change it when this focus is not serving you well.

I know that all this is easier said than done. We all fall back from time to time and return to a state of negativity,  self-defeat or pasivity. That is why the help of a professional coach can make the difference between dreaming and achieving. A professional coach is trained in exercises and questioning techniques that help you to keep your focus on what you want and how you can achieve it. A coach is trained to help you to devise your own solutions that suit your own unique situation and they help you to implement these solutions, keeping you accountable and motivated. A professional coach knows how to inspire you to take the actions you need to take to positively change for the better!

As an example from my own life, I have been putting off writing a new blog post for months and I always seem to find a good excuse to start “tomorrow.”  Today, after all the jumping and hugging, Tony asked the conference attendants to generate one professional goal, I wrote: “have X more clients by the end of the year,” then he asked us to write one specific action that we would take immediately towards achieving this goal. I wrote: “write my blog again.” There you go… done! Coaching works!!!

By Carmen Lence Coach and Consultant at NextGen Consulting & Coaching LLC

If you want to learn more about coaching and coaching for Family Business, I’ll be presenting “Coaching, Next Generation and Sustainable Change in Family Business” together with Christin McClave and Dennis Jaffe at the FFI international congress in Brussels on October 19th. I’m looking forward to seeing you there!

Te lo Creas o No, Hay Vida Más Allá de la Empresa Familiar

Christin McClave, 3G de Industrias Cardone

Christin Cardone McClave es propietaria de tercera generación de Cardone Industries; la compañía privada de re-fabricación de autopartes más grande del mundo, y empresaria. En esta entrevista, comparte la razón por la que decidió no trabajar en la empresa familiar, cómo lidió con el hecho de que su marido trabajara para su padre durante 19 años,y cómo se sintió cuando casi venden la compañía.

Comenzó a trabajar para la empresa de su familia a los 12 años. ¿Cómo influyó ese hecho en su vida?

Me inculcó una fuerte ética laboral. Pude trabajar en diferentes sectores de la empresa y gané experiencia en ventas, mercadeo, servicio al cliente, finanzas, control de calidad y fabricación. Me especialicé en negocios en la Universidad y después de la Universidad decidí que en verdad quería trabajar fuera de la empresa familiar. Cuando tenía 20 años conseguí una pasantía en Johnson & Johnson. Después de la pasantía, me ofrecieron trabajar para Johnson & Johnson.

Usted pasó casi toda su carrera trabajando en Johnson & Johnson y los últimos años manejando su propia compañía, Unifi Coaching. Siento curiosidad acerca de por qué usted decidió no trabajar para su empresa familiar.

Simplemente sabía que no quería estar preso en la empresa de mi familia. Sentí una necesidad interna de salir y ver si podría lograrlo en el “mundo real”. He logrado mucha seguridad trabajando en Johnson & Johnson y comenzando mi propia empresa de coaching. Lo otro que aprendí fue que si alguna vez regreso a la empresa familiar sería una decisión muy bien pensada. Creo que es importante que las personas que están en su propia empresa familiar lo escojan por ellas mismas. Yo sentía muy adentro de mí que necesitaba ir a trabajar a algún otro sitio y probarme a mí misma que podría lograrlo en una compañía que integrara la lista Fortune 500. Sabía que siempre podría regresara la empresa familiar y ser respetada. Ahora cuento con la experiencia y la capacidad de trabajar fuera de la empresa familiar. Realmente he disfrutado de las consultorías y de estar en el Comité del Consejo Directivo.

¿Usted cree que agrega más valor a su empresa familiar teniendo experiencia externa?

Sí, sin lugar a dudas. Considero que sumo más valor. Puedo ver las cosas desde una perspectiva diferente que cuando trabajas en una empresa familiar por tanto tiempo, lo que a menudo sucede en una empresa familiar.  Tienen muchos empleados de toda la vida, empleados muy leales y maravillosos que no necesariamente tienen mucha experiencia externa. Aunque se trata de personas muy capaces, simplemente aportar un punto de vista diferentees algo que pongo sobre la mesa cada vez que trabajo en un proyecto o en el consejo directivo.

Su marido ha estado trabajando para la empresa familiar durante 19 años. Cuénteme un poco acerca de esto.

Ese es otro de los motivos por los que decidí no entrar en la empresa familiar. Con mi marido trabajando allí, pensamos que era demasiado para ambos estar allí. Nos conocimos después de que ya hubiera estado trabajando en Cardone durante algunos años. Él tenía una trayectoria comprobada y cuando nos casamos realmente aportó un buen equilibrio a nuestra familia desde el punto de vista técnico. Nuestra familia tiende a gravitar entre ventas y mercadeo, mientras que mi marido tiene título en Ingeniería y un MBA en Finanzas. Tiene un excelente temperamento, es creativo y un gran apoyo, lo que es un muy buen componente para una empresa familiar.

¿Entonces, en general, ha sido una experiencia positiva?

Sí, creo que lo ha sido pero él dejó la compañíaa fines de enero. Sintió que era tiempo de hacer algo más. Hay muchos desafíos y creo que ha llegado a una instancia en que le gustaría trabajar donde no tuviera que lidiar con todos los problemas extra.

Quiere ingresar a una industria completamente diferente. Quiera hacer algo en la industria de los deportes, lo que es muy diferente de lo que ha estado haciendo los últimos 19 años. Su coach  lo ayudó a desarrollar sus valores y a comprender cuáles son sus pasiones. Eso realmente lo ayudó a ver que es tiempo de avanzar y hacer algo que realmente lo apasione. Él deja una marca muy positiva y es definitivamente uno de los máximos líderes de la compañía. Será triste para la empresa perderlo, pero creo que todos lo entienden, incluyendo mi familia.

¿Considera que ha debido escoger entre apoyar a su marido y apoyar a su padre o a su hermano? ¿Puede darles algún consejo a otras mujeres en su situación?

Hacemos un ejercicio; también hago mucho de esto en mi coaching, cambiar sombreros, que es “usar” un sombrero diferente, luego tu sombrero normal. Cuando tenemos una conversación con mi marido a veces nos ponemos el sombrero de la empresa familiar. A veces son los sombreros de la mamá y la esposa; a veces, es el sombrero de mi padre. Tratamos de ver las cosas desde diferentes perspectivas. Diría que sabes realmente que veo tu perspectiva, pero si me coloco el sombrero de mi papá puedo ver que esta es una situación muy frustrante para él. Tratamos de hablar en esos términos porque así la emoción queda fuera del tema. Podemos observarlo desde diferentes perspectivas y nos ayuda a dar un paso atrás y no dejar que nos afecte emocionalmente.

Su familia ha atravesado recientemente el proceso de una posible venta de la empresa que finalmente no sucedió. ¿Por qué la familia tomó la decisión de vender?

Toda empresa familiar en algún momento debe lidiar con esta cuestión. Nuestra empresa tiene más de 5500 empleados en diferentes países. Es un modelo de negocios muy complejo. Con los desafíos con los que nos enfrentábamos con los costos locales de la mano de obra, problemas de fabricación, inversiones, decidimos que necesitábamos inversión externa para ayudarnos a crecer. Además, mi padre está a comienzos de sus 60s. Comenzó la empresa cuando tenía 21 con mi abuelo.

Mi padre es bastante inflexible cuando dice que no trabajará para una empresa pública. Es muy vehemente acerca de mantener a la empresa privada y tener propiedad mayoritaria. Parecía como si la mejor opción fuera venderla a una compañía que realmente pudiera hacer crecer el negocio. Sin embargo, estos últimos años han sido duros para muchos negocios diferentes y también para nosotros. Atravesamos todo el proceso de venta y al final no funcionó. Nos estamos reagrupando, tratando de averiguar cuáles son los siguientes pasos, pero por ahora volvimos al modo empresa familiar.

¿Qué consejo puede darles a otras familias que atraviesan el proceso de vender la empresa familiar?

Creo que es muy importante para cada familia observarse a sí misma. Todo depende de cuántas unidades familiares estén involucradas. Nosotros tenemos cuatro unidades familiares: mis padres, luego mis 2 hermanos y yo, y todos estamos casados. Creo que es un proceso verdaderamente emocional. Como mi padre es el accionista mayoritario, él toma la decisión final. Y, claro, porque es su bebé.

Fue un torbellino sumamente emocional para él atravesar todo el proceso. También fue emocional para mí. Pensaba, ¿debería haber trabajado en la empresa familiar? ¿Debería haber ayudado más? ¿Podríamos haber hecho todo de manera diferente? ¿Cómo podría haber apoyado más a mi padre?  ¿Deberíamos mantener juntos el negocio familiar?Observamos a estas otras compañías de4ta, 5ta y hasta 6tageneración que han logrado salir adelante.Es impresionante la manera en que han podido extender su empresa familiar hasta ese nivel.

Es una oportunidad maravillosa, pero al mismo tiempo también mucho estrés. Es como una espada de doble filo. Tener una empresa familiar tiene beneficios excepcionales. Hay experiencias de trabajo maravillosas. El otro lado es que se sentía como que llevaba un peso enorme sobre los hombros. A medida que tu empresa crece hay muchos aspectos para considerar. Tienes más de 5000 empleados que dependen de ti, deudas de la empresa, cuestiones de planificación patrimonial. Tener un coach me ha ayudado mucho a hablar y a poder trabajar en ello, a mirar mi vida y poder adueñarme de ella. Hay vida más allá de la empresa familiar, incluso si la vendemos.

Escrito por Carmen Lence, Coach y Consultor de NextGen LLC, www.nextgenfamilybusiness.com

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Believe It or Not, There’s Life Beyond The Family Business

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Christin McClave, 3rd Generation of Cardone Industries

Christin Cardone McClave is a third-generation owner of Cardone Industries; the world’s largest privately help auto parts remanufacturing company, and an entrepreneur. In this interview, she shares why she later decided not to work in the family business, how she dealt with her husband working for her father for 19 years, and how she felt when they almost sold the company.

 You started working for your families business at the age of 12. How did that influenced your life?

It instilled a strong work ethic. I was able to work in different parts of the business and get experience with sales, marketing, customer service, finance, quality control and manufacturing. I majored in business in college and after college I decided that I really wanted to work outside the family business. When I was 20 I got an internship at Johnson & Johnson. After my internship, I received a job offer to work for Johnson & Johnson.

 You spent most of your career working at Johnson & Johnson and the last few years running your own company, Unifi Coaching. I’m curious as to why you decided not to work for your family business.

I just knew I didn’t want to be stuck in my family business. I had an internal drive to go outside and see if I could make it in the “real world”. I’ve gained so much self-confidence with working at Johnson & Johnson and starting my own coaching practice. The other thing that I learned was that if I ever go back in the family business it would be a well thought out choice. I think it’s important for people who are in their family business to choose it for themselves. I just knew in my heart that I needed to go work somewhere else and prove to myself that I could make it in a Fortune 500 company. I knew I could always come back to the family business and be respected. Now I have the experience and the ability to perform outside of the family business. I have really enjoyed consulting and being on a board committee.

You feel you add more value to your family business when you have outside experience?

Yes, absolutely. I think I bring more value. I am able to see things from a different perspective then when you are working in a business for so long, which often happens in a family business.  They have many lifetime employees, very loyal and wonderful employees that may not necessarily have much outside experience. Although they are very capable people, just providing a different point of view is something that I bring to the table each time I’m working on a project or on the board.

Your husband has been working for the family business for 19 years. Tell me a little bit about that.

That is also another reason why I chose not to go into the family business. With my husband working there, we felt it was too much for both of us to be there. We met after he had already been working at Cardone for a few years. He had a proven track record and once we got married it really provided a nice balance in our family on a technical side. Our family tends to gravitate to sales and marketing while my husband has an Engineering degree and an MBA in Finance. He has a really good temperament, is creative, and very supportive which is a great component to have in a family business.

So overall it has been a positive experience?

Yes, I think it has been but he left the company at the end of January. He just felt like it was time for him to do something else. There are a lot of challenges and I think he’s gotten to the place where he’d like to work where he wouldn’t have to deal with all the extra issues. He’s not complaining about it – he’s basically said that it was time for him to move on and do something else.

He wants to do something in sports business, which is very different from what he has been doing for the past 19 years. His coach helped him work out his values and figure out where his passions are. That really helped him see that its time for him to move on and do something that he’s really passionate about. He is leaving on a really positive note and is definitely one of the top leaders of the company. It will be sad for the company to lose him but I think everyone understands, including my family.

Do you find that you have to choose between supporting your husband and supporting your father or brother? Can you give any advice to other women in your situation?

We do an exercise; I also do a lot of this in my coaching, changing hats, which is “wearing” a hat that is different, then your normal hat. When having a conversation with my husband sometimes we have on the family business shareholder hat. Sometimes it is the mom and wife hats; sometimes it’s my parent’s hat. We try to look at things in different perspectives. I’ll say you know I really see your perspective but if I put my dads hat on I can see how this is a really frustrating situation for him. We try to really talk in those terms because then it takes the emotion out the topic. We’re able to look at it through multiple perspectives and it helps us step back and not let it affect us emotionally.

Your family has recently gone through the process of a possible sale of the business that didn’t happen in the end. Why did the family make the decision to sell?

Every family business at some point has to deal with this question. Our business has 5500 employees in multiple countries. It is a very complex business model. With the challenges we were coming up against with local costs of labor, manufacturing issues, investments, we decided that we needed outside investment to help us grow. Also, my father is in his early 60’s. He started the business when he was 21 with my grandfather.

My father is pretty adamant when he says he will not work for a publically held company. He’s very passionate about keeping the company private and having majority ownership. It felt like the best option was to sell it to a company that could really grow the business. However, these last few years have been tough on a lot of different businesses and for us as well. We went through the whole selling process and in the end it didn’t work out. We’re regrouping, trying to figure out what the next steps are but for now we are back in family business mode.

What advice can you give to other families going through the process of selling the family business?

I think it’s really important for each family to look at themselves. It all depends on how many family units you have involved. We have four family units my parents, then my 2 siblings and I and everybody’s married. I think it is a really emotional process. Because my father is the majority shareholder, he gets to make the final decision. And of course because it’s his baby.

It was a very emotional rollercoaster for him going through the process. It was also emotional for me. I’ve thought should I have worked in the family business? Should I have helped out more? Could we have done things differently? How could I have been more supportive to my dad?  Should we keep the family business together? We do look at these other 4th, 5th, and even 6th generation companies that have made it work. It is very impressive how they have been able to extend their family business to that level.

It’s a wonderful opportunity but at the same time a lot of stress too. It’s like a double-edged sword. There are wonderful benefits of having a family business. There are wonderful work experiences. The other side is that it felt like there was a huge weight on my shoulders. As your business gets bigger and bigger there’s a lot of facets to weigh. You’ve got over 5000 employees that count on you, certain debt on the business, estate-planning questions. Having a coach has really helped me talk and work through it, look at my life, and own it. There is life beyond the family business, even if we do sell it.

Written by Carmen Lence, Coach and Consultant at NextGen Consulting and Coaching LLC. www.nextgenfamilybusiness.com

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